. . .When we do over-react emotionally to a person or event, the tricky part is being able to separate what just happened in the present from the accumulated suffering of past abuse. Often it IS a combination of the two, in layers – when someone actually ‘steps on your toe’, but it feels like the foot has been cut off & we’re left bleeding, because of all the times our family did the same thing to us. Whenever we have an intense reaction we know “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical”. We can validate our fear, outrage, sadness…. while still staying in the present moment & seeing reality. (Read more at HEAL & GROW for ACoAs)
Someone makes a comment that I find upsetting. I have no reason to believe that person is trying to upset me, or that he even means what I take him to mean. I can choose to shoot a look, to say, “Ouch, did that mean what I thought that meant?” to use a little humor to point out the sting, or I can even choose to do nothing and move on with life. Instead, I choose to escalate things to a full-blown argument, culminating in a slamming door. Yep, I’m real mature.
I am constantly being told to relax, that I am wound too tight, to take it easy. I have come to the conclusion that relaxing and doing nothing about things might be the best thing going for my recovery. The more tense or upset I get, the greater the need for me to just let go, to sit back and do nothing, to just let the moment happen without trying to control that moment.
I will remind myself every day, and in all times of tension, to let go and relax. I will realize that, even in doing nothing about my problems, I am actively practicing the Al-Anon ideal. ~One Day At A Time In Al-Anon, page 143, May 22