Sometimes it just clicks

I was blessed to have a great meeting last night, as well as a wonderful and insightful time standing around in the hallways after the meeting!

Some take-aways:

  • I am tired of blaming others.  It’s getting old, even to me.  I’m rather sick of myself.  “Nothing changes if nothing changes.”  Try something new.
  • I am capable of relating to my {mother/children/significant other/friends/coworkers/etc.} in a drastically different way.  We have witnessed this dramatic change in others, so we know it is possible.
  • When I react to a perceived slight, that reaction is typically out of proportion to the magnitude of said slight.  I am no doubt not only reacting to the slight, but to years and years of accumulated, unresolved resentments inside myself in relation to the person before me.  Rather than react, I can choose to respond with grace and a smile.
  • If I take care of me first and foremost, I will stop resenting the fact that others are not taking care of, or have not taken care of, me.  This frees me up to enjoy my relationships.  Instead of allowing others to cross my boundaries, then becoming angry at them for crossing my boundaries, how about trying it a new way?  What if I set boundaries and enforced them gently but firmly, then spend my time enjoying people rather than resenting them?
  • Why assume others do not have the information I have, and that it is my responsibility to rectify that?  A story someone shared that resonated with me:

I laid a pizza out on the counter for my fiance to fix when he got back from his run.  A few moments later I saw him putting it into the microwave oven – with the tinfoil still under it!  I quickly said, “you can’t put tinfoil in a microwave!”  I was thinking, how long have microwaves been around?  How can he not know this?

As it turns out, he was merely placing the pizza where it would be safe from the cats and dog while he was on his run–something I hadn’t thought of!  For some reason, rather than assuming he was knowledgeably doing something correctly, I assumed he had a large gap in his basic understanding and that I was the one responsible for filling him in.

I do this sort of thing every single day.  It happens frequently enough to have earned me the nicknames “little Joe” and “Amy Joe,” as this behavior simultaneously irritates My Love and reminds him fondly of his younger brother who has passed away.  While I adore my nicknames, I’d like to see this attitude in me toward others begin to diminish, as Father cultivates more humility in my heart.  I have so much to learn from other people, and would like to be receptive to that learning, rather than being so quick to impart–or impose–my own knowledge.

I thank you, Father, for placing me in a home group full of such wise, insightful people who are willing to share their lives with the likes of me, and who are warm, friendly, and welcoming, even when I feel socially awkward.  I further thank you for providing me with a sponsor to guide me through these Steps that are so vital to my emotional health and well-being.  I am surprised and grateful that my sponsor has introduced me to working the Traditions as well as the Steps, since they are guides to our relationships with others–the reason I am pursuing recovery in the first place.  This morning I truly am a Grateful Member of Al-Anon.

Keep coming back.  It works if you work it, and you’re worth it, so work it.

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